Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Dear friend,

It is not so much to oppose you that i ramble on with such caustic remarks, but i direct what i said to the world in general. Dont you feel like you are perpetually besieged by all these information and outcries of so many people ? Be it in the media or in your social circles, there always seem to be so many 'pseudo greenies'. I'm wary and weary of such gimmicks and lame, self-induced guilt.

I would not be so presumptious and arrogant to call you naive because i do see the point you are making and i respect you for being matured in what you say. I am merely sticking a 'warning' notice after your post because what you talk about would normally induce people to think but not to understand.

Most times, i am not so sure whether to pity those who are ignorant or those who remain ignorant. Like i love to say, which i quote from Terry Pratchet 'You see the light at the end of the tunnel, but is it the light of salvation or an incoming train ?' People starving for enlightenment are quick to jump at every chance to prove their 'mettle' but fail to heed the faint rumblings of the consequences looming ahead until too late.

Anyway, not in the right mood to storm around and scream my heart out here. So, ciao~

Alson
by ~me~ at 6:37 PM ©

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007
It is not too late to believe in man,even when some choose not to believe in God.

- Yi Shen

It is an irony, even though i'm sure you didnt mean it this way, when you concur that we can still believe in man even if we dont in god. Of course, i am in agreement when you say that humans do possess the potential to do good. However, it will never be enough to repair te damage done to earth and mankind. The monstrosit has always been escalating, but over the decades either we've been blind or turned ourselves blind to it. How many times have we in our minds thought this way 'It's ok, we have time to do it tomorrow' etc. We caused these problems, We ignored them, and now suddenly the world is full of people starting to feel indignant that the earth and people are sufferring from such indescribable madness.

This is something we must be aware of. Dont you agree that most of the times when you watch clips or videos showing the sorrow and pain of those sufferring in silence or those being silenced, you feel the pangs of maybe ... guilt, and you go like 'what the fuck is the world doing ?' what the fuck is the world doing, you say. You are essentially a fragment of this good earth. You are a citizen of this civilisation. And yet you blame the world for all that has gone bad. We all (me included) subconciously throw the blame onto other factors. You are right, Your family and friends are right. Every other soul unknown to you in the world is wrong.

I have never been particularly active in promoting the awareness of the global situation. I have a faint inkling of whats going ... the earth's dying ya da ya da. Crap. If everyone who rambles on and on about such issues are so sincere, then why are we still sinking into this mire ? If activists were so damn brilliant, then why all that i can see them do is wasting time and money lobbying for this and that change, making a bloody nuisance of themselves and still not get things done ? Impratical, self centered and arrogant. YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE THIS WORLD ? What kind of justification have you got to say that you can even come close to understanding what kind of pain has been inflicted on those victims, or the enormity of the wound that we have opened on earth. You blatantly display pictures of suffering victims and etc, but how can you do that with your morals intact ?

Can you be responsible for those people you talk about ? Can you save them ? Can you grow back a million trees in your lifetime ? Can you help the world breathe again ? Dont tell me that you are the catalyst for the reaction that will come in the future generations, only that YOU WANT TO BE.

Of course, there are individuals who sincerely strive to make the world a better place, who wish to right the wrong we did. But dont you get sick of the commercialisation and 'fashioning' of the ideal to improve the 'sanctuary' we live in ? Albeit the fact that this channel of propogating ideals and awareness is effective but it also blocks people from truly accepting and internalising the very reason why they feel the guilt and pain. It always the question of whether you are doing this for the good of the world or for yourself. We all are capable of moralising and self-reflecting, but in what sense ? To act on the selfish impulse to eradicate or to stifle that momentary flash of guilt ?

I am ignorant of alot of on-goings in the world, though not intentionally, but nevetheless inexcusable. But i do not make myself to be a greenie and the one-man activist that alot of people try to be. All i can say is : we are humans, by that very fact, we are also unfortunately ( or not ) mortals. How can we compete in this race for time ? I do not know and i do not presume to know. All i can say is, good luck, Man and good night.

Alson - the hypocritical, randomly blasting reiatsu yet again.
by ~me~ at 9:34 PM ©

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Saturday, July 14, 2007
I gaze once more into those eyes of amber
Feelings so familiar and so sweet
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart complete

A moment in time within that hour
Memories that'll never recede
Affections revealed in a subtle manner
And my heart begins to bleed

The setting sun, the evening glow
The distance grows apart
The setting sun, your face aglow
I reach for you and find my heart

It's moments like this, if you must know
My mask begins to fray
I've hidden my love, put up a show
And now its time to pay

With a heavy heart, I walk on by
I turned and look away
Your parting face as my lullaby
I forced my tears away

I revisit once more those eyes of amber
Memories so familiar and so sweet
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart complete

-Alvin
by ~me~ at 11:20 PM ©

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Friday, July 13, 2007
Guys, i know this is suppose to be a class blog, and i apologise for indulging in my own ramblings. I jez really needed to get it off my chest, so please, skip this post, and pretend you don't see it.

Ok. so here i am, at the starbucks joint(not surprising) which was formally Hello!Singtel, and i'm jez sitting here, with my cafe latte(as usual) and a laptop in front of me. I'm finally getting to watch this fantastic show, 'Before Sunrise' which took me 3 bloody weeks to download on bittorrent, you know, basically jez chilling.

But here's the thing. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Right here, right now, i am supposed to be hyperventilating, my thought process filled with all the 'what's gonna happen later' on my big, momentous, once in 2 years meet with you-know-who. But here i am, all by myself, jez chilling. As usual, the big 'date' which i envisioned amounted to nothing because i was stood up at the last min once more. My only consolation? at least the movie is good.

Before Sunrise is just a movie that chronicles the journey that two souls take and how their lives, for just one day, became entwined together as their paths crossed each-others. what set this movie apart from all the other chick-flicks is this: It isn't about the sex, or the money or the magical coincidences between two people as portrayed in most chick-flicks, but rather, all this movie shows is 2 very different people, coming together and just talking, learning about each other, and you can feel the attraction between them without it being literally translated to you by the actors; you are free to intepret what love, and chemistry means/represents to you.

Imagine this: Is it really possible for 2 complete strangers to hit it off immediately, with this invisible connection and chemistry binding them both? Is there really room for such a spontaneous relationship in our practical, reality-driven world? I honestly don't have the answer to that question. I would like to believe in all the ambiguity of life, you know? Fate, Love and all the other bullshit. But you have to admit that life, or love as portrayed in the movies are just a fairy-tale.

But, as i look to my left, reality gives me a little hope that all the ambiguity that's protrayed in the movies does have a little truth. Seated right next to me, are two people, jez having a drink. They're jez talking, but their body language jez gives it all away, jez like what i was watching in the movie. He's shifting his body uncomfortably, smiling like a complete ass, while she is jez sipping on her frappucino, ankles-crossed, not willing to make eye-contact. They seem self-absorbed in their own little world, in their own thought process(no prizes for guessing who they're thinking about), and even a complete stranger like me could sense their attraction.

I dunno, maybe i'm jez rambling on and on about this emo-bullshit, but there's sthg i see and can relate to that i can't really explain. what i see in the movies, and what i saw jez now brings me back to a little experience i had, an experience so unforgettable, that it is still etched deeply in my heart and in my mind. An experience which i was looking forward to re-living, but evidenly, i came out short.
I know what it feels like to jez spend a good hour or two with that special someone over a cuppa coffee. and i've been yearning to re-live that experience ever since.
Every single moment we shared is still remembered in vivid clarity, as if it only took place the day before.

And these memories, though beautiful, haunts me every single waking minute. There are things i would like to say everyday, but i can only say it once every 2 years or so. And i am so afraid, that i am never going to get the chance to lift this burden off my chest. It's particularly painful when you hold something or someone too close for too long, and there will finally come a moment when you have no choice but to let go.

I am still waiting for that moment.

-alvin
by ~me~ at 4:24 PM ©

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Sunday, July 08, 2007
hey 04A5, i will be touching down in spore on 29 July 2007 at abt noon. seriously, i m looking very very forward to come back. haha, looks like u all had been meeting up alot. well, not too good to stay at one place for too long when u r in ns. haha. anything u all wan me to help check out in tw? if u do, tell me fast. Any sports stuff by 13/7 (Friday). i dun live near big cities like taipei, i live in a quite rural area. haha. but next sat, i shld be gg to shop for some sports stuff. my hp is still workable. still can sms me. haha.

Take care and see u all soon.

-JL Tan
-Taiwan
by ~me~ at 10:18 AM ©

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Friday, July 06, 2007
The meaning of inevitable to my perception would be: It will happen simply because it cannot be avoided. This topic crossed my mind when Yi Shen, Zhi Yang and me were discussing over certain issues in gardens one fine night. It appears that we have not yet come to any conclusiveness to what we discussed. Since this issue has been in the back of my mind for some time, so i decided to do something about it, which is what i'm doing here.

Perhaps most would recall the once popular love song titled 'Come What May'. The simplest of lines to describe the irony and ambivalence of the word 'inevitable'. The general public would agree on certain common things, facts that are 'inevitable' i.e. Death. So let us examine the inevitable-ness of death and some pretty logical reasons why we should or should not fight this 'Death'. It would be, to me, one of the easiest to talk about since it will happen, it cannot be avoided and simply because it is the extreme example of what we would call 'inevitable'.

Most would say that we dread dying but we are incapable of fighting death so we live life to the fullest and die contented in the knowledge that we lived meaningfully. That sort of thing. We fight death everyday, every single moment in life and in every breath we take. I know this sounds lame, but, by the virtue of the fact that you choose to keep breathing shows that you are fighting death. People always say that you cannot dont breathe, it is innate and an instinct. Exactly the point, You forget the fact that since you have the natural ability to keep sustaining your life, you are designed to fight death. Look at the littlest of things that you do each day. You only cross the road when you feel sure that you wont be knocked down by a car. When you sit in a fast moving vehicle, you feel exhilarated and yet uncomfortable at the same time because you fear for your life. So, when initially you are meant to fight the 'inevitable' death whether conciously or not, there is no question as to whether you should fight the 'inevitable' but the question is 'Can you ?'.

Let's move on to something less extreme. Let's talk about hope. In a match against an opponent who has again and again beat the crap out of you, do you still go in with the hope that maybe this will be the day where they slip, where by some miraculous intervenation, God finally lifts his hand and crush those opposing imbeciles ? Most people would. Even if all facts and statistics point to the inevitable-ness of they being better than you and thus foretelling quite certainly that they will win, you still hang on to the hope of overturning their winning streak. Hope is a poweful characteristic of human beings, gentlemen. As long as it still burns in you, you will keep fantasizing that fate will change in your favour.

Time is short, it compels me to cut this short. However, i do not want you to go away with the feeling that 'Alson is talking crap again'. Examine yourself, examine what you do each day. When you take that intake of air, examine again. You are entitled to disbelief what i say, or to treat it as lame since i am talking about things which sounds ... lame. It is essentially because you feel this way which is why you go about each day without really understanding 'Why do it ?' But, it is something to talk about another day.
by ~me~ at 10:08 PM ©

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007
i hate ppl who sprout out good english all the time. i do i do ! *nods fervently*
but what you posted reflected exactly what i feel about us guys (us, that is me, alvin, yi shen, isaac, johnny, hwee pin and i hope meh meh). you guys are the first for me, in terms of alot of things. haha. i so do not want to talk about what things i meant, but most of the guys would know.
lately, even though all of us are going through NS but we have not yet lost our deep and thick bonds. *cough cough* sigh, i really cant help myself, but thats why everyone of you love me right. haha. alright, wont crap anymore. wont count this as an actual post, lemme go and slowly work out my vocab and stuff first and i'll be back.

alson
by ~me~ at 7:02 PM ©

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Disclaimer: This entry is purely rubbish. Please do not read on if you do not wish to have your brain cells decimated by the mindless babbling of an emo-centric freak.

ok, since this blog is seriously sliding into oblivion, i shall heed the words of my wise friend, YS, and start off with my first post on this forgotten blog.

On hindsight, i'm grateful for the friendship that i've forged with several members from 04a5. what seemed improbable at first, blossomed into a spontaneity that knows no limits, the very same element that bonds us even till today, nearing 2 years after graduation. we may meet every fortnight or so, perhaps even every week, jez to do the same old damn thing again. basically to chill in some random starbucks joint (not all that random if you think about it. heh heh), and 'suan' each other. Be it on alson's horrible fashion sense, isaac's playa moods, me and YS's never-ending socio-political discussions,johny's hilarious disposition, or hwee pin's emotionally-swayed-ness(haha), its still as enjoyable and comforting as ever.

for those of us who hasn't noticed by now, true lasting friendships are hard to come by. i don't mean to be a cynic, but that's precisely the world we're living in. its hard to find company that you're honestly comfortable with, not needing to put up a false front or to hide behind a mask of hypocrisy. It is unwise to mistake acquintances with friends, and the importance of friends who are there to back you up when you need them, or to give you a slap in the face for a reality check when you need it, could not be exaggerated. we can live in denial for as long as we want, but as the saying goes, no man is an island. ultimately, until i move on to greater things in life, this bunch of guys are my sanctity from self-absorbing cynism and the permeating hypocrisy of society.

hopefully, in the not-so-distant future, we can all embark on the trip we've been talking about. but for now, i think we will all be happy if people actually attend gatherings that people like YS had been organising. To all my ex-classmates from 04a5, do turn up for the next gathering that you've come to know about, you may be pleasantly surprised by the company of familiar faces of not-so-long-ago. It's worth the effort, so make the effort. And to the buggers who has had to put up with my bullshit for the past years, cheers to you! and be ready, cos there's more of where that came from! (by the time you finish reading this post, you'll know what i'm talking about. HAHA.)

-alvin
by ~me~ at 6:12 PM ©

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